by Larry EderSo, on April Fools Day, we have had stories both stretching the truth, stretching our beliefs, from Centro running marathons to the Olympics being called the Hunger Games.
Elliott Denmann, a long time writer, sent in this story, especially for April Fools Day.
What if Race Walking became the big part of our sport? Read it to believe it!
Race walking, from PhotoRun.net
BREAKING NEWS DEVELOPMENT –
THIS JUST IN – APRIL 1, 2015..
THIS JUST IN – APRIL 1, 2015..
april fool column
By ELLIOTT DENMAN
MONACO, April 1, 2015 – In a turn of events that will have a profound effect on the flagship sport of the Olympic Games, the International Association of Athletics Federations, the global governing body for track and field, has announced new steps to promote the world’s leading fitness activity.
“There is no doubt whatsoever that walking is the most universally practiced of all human physical endeavors,” said an unidentified IAAF spokesman. “For the thousands who practice running, there are millions more who practice walking.
“It is the most natural, basic and beneficial of all fitness activities. And it is universally practiced in all countries on all continents, by boys and girls, men and women, of all ages.”
That being so, the IAAF will soon map plans to swap running for walking in its upcoming championship competitions, leading up to the quadrennial Olympic Games.
Thus, there would be 100, 200, 400, 800, 1,500, 5,000, 10,000-meter and marathon-distance (42.2 km) walking events in future championship meets. To complete the swap, and in recognition of running’s past relevance, there would be 20K and 50K running events.
Other events would be staged under “adaptive” rules for walking. A “flight phase” would be authorized for the hurdles and steeplechase races. Throwers would be required to maintain contact with the ground in all phases of delivery. For jumping events, all approaches would be by walking, with “flight phases,” of course necessary for the actual jumping efforts.
Rumors of these changes had been circulating in walking circles, of course, for years. But news of their actual implementation still came as a shock to the sports world.
Reaction varied around the globe.
“Maravilloso” said fans in Ecuador, Guatemala and Colombia, homelands of
walking medalists in recent Olympic and World Championships. “Our walkers have long been magnificent, but our runners, well, not always. Now we will surely make major advances on the medal tables.”
In Quito, Jefferson Perez began consideration of a comeback attempt.
“Caminata forever,” cheered Mexican walk greats Raul Gonzalez, Ernesto Canto and Carlos Mercenario.
“C’est si bon,” said many in France, who now saw the possibility of Johan Diniz equaling or bettering the record medal totals amassed by Michael Phelps or Mark Spitz.
Meanwhile, past rivals of East and West Germany – Christoph Hohne, Hartwig Gauder and Bernd Kannenberg – agreed on at least this, “gehers uber alles.”
“We’ll just have to adust to the new reality,” said officials in Kenya and Ethiopia. “We will bring in the best coaches. We will find a way.”
There was outright joy in Beaverton, Oregon.
Those privy to highest-level Nike Corporation strategy sessions rubbed their hands in delight.
They saw vast new markets opening for their newly branded “Air Golubnichiy” models (honoring the first walker voted into the Olympic Hall of Fame) and recognized this moment in time as truly monumental.
Nike stock surged by 187 percent at the closing bell.
Even Alberto Salazar, never a fan of those who did not choose to run, was forced to agree, “yes, there’s change afoot.”
The running community, needless to say, was taken aback by this development.
“We shall overcome,” said Mo Farah, Galen Rupp, Usain Bolt and David Rudisha, in a joint statement.
A new website, “Letswalk.com,” emerged to cover ongoing developments.
Meanwhile, guardians of the “Letsrun.com” website, never enthusiasts of walking, promised rounds of
all-out counter attack.
all-out counter attack.
All the while. many walking devotees simply promised to “mind the gap and keep in contact at all times.”
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